My Path to Atheism, Part 3
Realizing I’m an Atheist
This is the Third and final instalment of a three article series on my personal path to atheism. It might be beneficial to read the first article My Path to Atheism Part 1: Indoctrination into Christianity and My Path to Atheism Part 2: Thinking for Myself before this part if you haven’t already.
I knew I was no longer christian. I had accepted that those beliefs were no different than Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Toothfairy. All lies passed on to children from parents who were deceived the same way. I don’t blame my parents or harbour any anger towards them for distorting my understanding of reality for a large portion of my childhood because they only carried on a tradition that was passed down to them that has become an all too common practice in our American society.
I had taken the label of agnostic as I graduated high school and went on to college. As I said before, I pursued a degree in engineering. That with the typical busy social life of someone in their late teens and early twenties made philosphical ideas on the existence of god and religious dogma even less important to me. I never thought of it much because at the time I believed it had no bearing on my life. If others chose to believe in such things and it made them happy I had always thought, “More power to them.” As long as they were not getting in my face I didn’t care.
If asked about my religious beliefs I would simply tell them I was agnostic. I made no secret of it. Sometimes they weren’t sure exactly what this meant and I would explain that it cannot be proven and known for sure if there is a god or not so it doesn’t really matter either way and I don’t worry or think about it. Agnosticism seemed much easier for believers to except and never seemed to offend anyone by challenging their beliefs and the asker would usually change the subject afterwards. This is quite different than what I find when I tell a believer I am an atheist, they are much less like to except this and more likely to argue.
Friends I had, both believers and non-believers, didn’t really seem to care. I was treated the same as I had been before since really nothing had changed about me to them, I was the same person. My father had died in a car wreck when I was sixteen never knowing I was doubting and later denying my christian faith. I had always been open with my mother about everything and explained my reasoning behind not believing in christianity. The first thing she said was, “Well just don’t commit the unpardonable sin by denying the Lord.” I replied back, “I thought that is what I told you was doing.” I know it bothered her but she never made a real big deal about it. Maybe it’s denial on her part of my feelings toward christianity or maybe its just not she’s a real devout believer herself, I’m not sure. She’ll still to this day tell me, “You ought to get back to going to church some.” To which I’d reply, “Why?” To which she says because its something one is supposed to do. I think that really sums up why she stands by christianity. I guess she is just another sheep following the heard because it is the social norm.
We went to church regularly, but neither of my parents were fanatical or anything. I never had any restrictions on movie ratings like a lot of my friends had or video games or anything really. My father as a young teen told me, “I know you’ll do things I don’t want you to do and I can’t stop you. As long as you don’t get yourself hurt, the police don’t call me or you embarrass me, just be safe.” It was never a problem. Throughout college I partied as much if not more than most, however I knew the value of an education and the opportunity for a comfortable future that I could establish so I never let fun get in the way of my goals of being an engineer.
I shared an an apartment with a girlfriend for a few years throughout most of college. She was a moderate christian that hung on to the most basic of those beliefs but was a practicing believer and didn’t let the dogma hinder her from having fun. Time passed and the love disappeared and we went our separate ways with very little drama. I eventually met my wife and we moved in together as I was getting close to graduating. She claims to be a moderate christian but or differences have never really been that big a deal and we both are very stubborn in our own ideas. We eventually married and I found a great job utilizing my degree near where I had grown up.
Throughout college I had became more and more aware of politics both locally and nationally. Keeping up with current events regularly, I began not notice how big an impact the christian right was having in getting their beliefs legislated, especially in the south. Votes for educational lotteries being shot down, blue light law that limit when alcohol can be sold, abortion and women’s right to choose, stem cell research, gay rights, online gambling and so many others all passed and banned because it was immoral in the eyes of christians. What was more annoying was all the pandering to christianity politicians would do during election time. Countless commercials and flyers about how candidates, “share our conservative christian values” and oppose “radical judges that legislate from the bench” for simply following the constitution. Everywhere I turned my freedoms were being taken away and there wasn’t much I could do about it.
What bothered me more than christianity shoving its beliefs down my throat was how it was doing this without paying tax’s because of the separation of church and state yet they were more political than any other group. It was and is still insane how church’s can raise so much money and not pay a dime in tax yet reap most of the benefits of governments by pushing for laws it wants. What pushed me over the edge was Bush with his faith based initiatives that actually my tax dollars to church’s that don’t pay any tax. This was too much for me to take. I began to look into secularism and for groups like the Secular Coalition for America to that try to enforce the seperation of church and state. As I sought out like minded people I read more and more about freethought, humanism and atheism and found that these ideologies closely matched my own.
I wanted to know more so of course I turned to what had always brought me so much knowledge before, reading. I hunted down the top books most mentioned around the web. Richard Dawkins had just published his book the God Delusion and it was the hot topic everywhere. I found a copy at a local bookstore. I read it and it made complete sense to me. I had already decided their was no god but now I had found very strong, logical arguments that supported this. I was hungry for more so I ordered The End of Faith and Letter to a Christian Nation both by Sam Harris, godless by Dan Barker, Why I’m not a Christian by Bertrand Russell and Innumeracy by Allen Paulos. It was a wonderful and exciting time.
I realized I had been an atheist all along and most of the logic and reasoning for atheism I found in these books were the very same reasons I had broken free of mental chains of christianity before. I had been going by the label agnostic because I feel it was easier on my part and like I was lazier. I was now proud of my lack of belief and wanted to be true to myself. I decided to support like minded individuals and groups and help spread reason so one day the world will be free of religious dogma. In my mind that can only be a paradise.
As an atheist here in the south, in the middle of the bible belt I am confronted with christianity daily. In my youth I never realized just how much it is everywhere and how negative peoples views are of people with different beliefs and ideas are here. It’s shocking. Peoples minds are so closed around me it can be depressing at times. I hope to be a voice of reason in this see of irrational thought and share my ideas and opinions. Atheism must spread and humanity must tear off the shackles of religion if we are going to survive and live up to our potential.
This series article has been a broad overview of how I came to embrace atheism after being raised a christian. I hope I have provided a little more on my background and how my beliefs and lack there of came about. Readers can expect many more articles about me and my ideas but I wanted to give a decent introduction so visitors can see where I am coming from.
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